Painful memories
by faberritana 4eva
Summary: sequel to vow of silence. future fic.rachel screws up badly and loses quinn will she ever get her back. flash back chapter up.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone sorry this so late but my life recently has been really shit so there wasn't much I could so about it, but this is the sequel to vow of silence that I had promised to write and I hope that it lives up to your expectations, this chapter was so hard for me to write I must have written it like twenty different time before settling with this one even though I am not happy about it. For those of you that haven't read vow of silence I recommend that you read it as this may not make much sense to you. Read and review as always. Enjoy. **

As the car stopped she took a minute to take a deep breathe and plaster the biggest fakest smile she could muster up for the crowd and cameras that were waiting for her on the side of the other side of her car door, as she got out of the car to her adoring fans greeting her and the paparazzi taking pictures all she could do was smile at how she despised all of this as it cost her the one she loves her one true love. She waved to her fans and posed for pictures for the paparazzi before going inside.

To be nominated for a Tony was a huge deal for any one in Broadway but for her it was just another reminder of everything she lost for this moment, as her name was called for best leading lady in a musical all she could do was plaster her face with that big fake smile that she had become so accustomed to that it felt like it was her true happiness, she went up to the stage and thanked everyone that needed to be thanked and cried on cue to show the world how happy she truly was, but the matter in fact was that she was anything but happy the tears were running down her cheek were tears of sadness and pain.

The award show had finished and she was now at the after party kissing ass with all the right people so that she wouldn't seem like such an up tight bitch, once her agent felt like she had met enough people she was allowed to go home to an empty apartment, the same apartment that her and the love of her life had picked out together when they first moved to new York.

Sure the apartment was small and had only one bedroom and the neighbours were load rude collage kids, but at the time she and Quinn had rented the place it was all they could afford and seemed prefect at the time so that had become their first true home together but after losing Quinn it was all she could do to be close to the blonde was to keep the place hence why it is still her home after all these years when she could probably afford one of the plushest apartments in new York.

As she got in to her empty home all she could do was drop the act and let the tears flow just like they did every night, when she got inside her home she walked into the kitchen and put the kettle on and then she went to the cabinet and was about to pull out her mug when she saw Quinn's mug, the mug that she had bought for the blonde on valentines day as a present, she picked up the blonde's mug and placed her hot chocolate inside it and then the kettle began to whistle indicating the water had boiled she poured the water into the mug and went upstairs to her bedroom.

She placed the mug on her bed side cabinet and pulled out a pair of shorts and a t shirt as she slipped into her shorts and t shirt she spotted the fading lipstick kiss that Quinn had left her the morning before everything went wrong, she slowly walked to it and lightly touched it with the pads of her finger tracing the shape of the lips, she smiled at the memory of the how the lipstick was there in the first place.

Every morning Quinn had a class before Rachel, Quinn would get up and get everything sorted and on the vanity mirror in the bedroom the blonde would put on little extra lipstick and place a kiss on the mirror for the diva.

About twenty minutes of Rachel staring at the fading kiss on her mirror (she stopped tracing the pattern after a few seconds in fear of smudging it) she walked back to her bed and picked up her mug of not so hot but now cold coco and began to take tiny sips and looking at her lovers mug and the indentation she had especially ordered on it, _together forever always love Rachel. _Oh how that statement was false, how they weren't even together for the rest of that year let alone forever.

She placed the mug down after a few sips as her tears began to sprawl put of control, she cried herself to sleep just like she did ever night but only what was to happen the next morning didn't happen like ever morning she received a call from L.A wishing for her to join a huge cast movie and then be cast in an TV show that had already been signed for three sessions, she thought about it, it would get her away from new York, where everything reminded her of Quinn.

**Two months later.**

It was the last night of her last ever show on Broadway, she hadn't told anyone that she wouldn't be coming back but knew herself that once she leaves she would not return. She had finished packing her bags and her boxes packed her other stuff had already been shipped of to L.A.

She had one last trip to make before moving and that was to her high school reunion, it had been ten years since high school ended, where everything was prefect but now it was the last thing but perfect but she was going to attend just like she had promised all those years ago when everyone thought and said that she would never make it.

Her plane landed and on the other side were both her dads waiting for her and of course Santana and Brittney with there two little children, whom she had grown so close to that the two of them considered the diva as their sister. The Latina and blonde dancer who are now married with two kids also live in new York new but on the other side of town to Rachel so they rarely get to see one an other but always talk via phone, text, email or Skype.

The seven of them went back to Berry estate to catch up with and another, they talked about the divas big move and how her life was going to change to so dramatically and how great Brittney's career was going as a dance choreography for famous music videos and Santana's career a social worker _(what happened to Quinn had her so heart broken that all she wanted to do was make sure she could help the others out there that were going through the same that her best friend had been through) _and lastly was how great both of Santana's and Brittney's kids were doing. The one thing or person they didn't mention was Quinn Fabray; she was a topic that was of limits at all times in all conversations.

Santana and Brittney an d their children Tom (6) and Lola (3) stayed for a late dinner before the four of them left because the kids were getting restless and wanted to get to bed but the women promised that they would see the diva tomorrow, before the reunion tomorrow and the three of them would go together. The three of them bid farewell to the married couple and their kids that had become apart of their small family.

Her dads wished her good night and left her on her own down stairs where she was battling herself internally as it would be the first time she would enter her bedroom that she shared with Quinn the last year of high school, a part of her wanted to go up and reminisce at all the good times the two of them shared in that room and the other part of her wanted her to stay down because everything would remind her of what she had lost and all the pain she was in.

In the end she lost the battle with herself and dragged herself up the stairs and stood out side her bedroom door with one hand tightly around the knob willing herself to open the door, she took a deep breathe and pushed open the door to reveal her old bedroom that was brightly painted and screamed happiness and love, the two things that were now lacking from her life.

She took one step inside her room and flipped on the light switch, she looked around to reveal the large self portrait that Quinn had painted of her for her birthday before the two of them set off for New York. She was right everything did remind her of Quinn and all she could do was cry her eyes out she opened her dresser to find Quinn old t shirt and a pair of her night shorts that the girl loved.

She put on the t shirt and shorts before climbing in to her bed, a bed that she had shared with Quinn and had so many good memories, she lay on the side that she always did leaving Quinn's side empty. She turned on to her side facing her bedside cabinet and there on her bedside cabinet was picture of her an Quinn staring into each others eyes as they kissed each other, she picked up the picture and kissed the blonde wishing so desperately that the girl was besides her in the bed so she could experience the kiss again experience kissing her on her lips, her skin or any other part of her body, the tears started again as she held the picture securely to her chest above her heart she buried her head into the pillow and let her sobs take over her body until she fell asleep.

She woke up a few hours later and couldn't fall back asleep so she pulled out her old photo albums and began looking at the pictures of her and Quinn in various different poses and different dates, from their secret park to art galleries and out side Broadway theatres or where they are handing each other flowers or gifts at Christmas, each picture had both girls smiling at each other holding hands and usually staring at each other.

Once she had been through all the photos she began looking through all the little gifts they had given each other with such love and adoration for each other, her tears had started to flow long ago and only seemed to flow faster at everything she saw and picked up, how she hated her self at this moment.

There was one final box left and Rachel knew very well what that box contained, it was everything Quinn had felt put into words with such beauty that these words were now melded into her heart and she could pronounce any one of them by heart. She knew each poem that Quinn had written for her and the song Quinn had wrote for her as a graduation present. As she looked through each and every poem and then finally the song her sobs had become so loud and uncontrollable that all she could do was grab a pillow from the bed and bury her face into it to muffle her sobs.

**A little bit of a mystery for you guys let me know what you think happened and if this is any good, coz if its not then there is no point in me continuing it because i have so much going on as it is and i don't feel like continuing with something that is not well recieved. sorry if that sounds a little harsh but i really do have so much going on in my life but i had promised to write this and i never break a promise.**


	2. Chapter 2

**The response to the first chapter was quite poor but I thought about it and decided to continue with this but only if you guys respond better because there's no point in writing a fic if no one is reading it so please let me know if your interested or not because life's to short on wasting it on things that are not appreciated but a huge thank you to everyone that did review favourite and alert this fic it means so much to me that you took the time to let me know what you thought so a huge thank you again. Read, review and enjoy as all ways. **

It was past noon and she still hadn't left her bedroom and she probably wouldn't either if it wasn't for the phone call from Santana and Brittney insisting (threatening in Santana's case) that she was to join the two and their kids in the park for a day out.

She was dressed in a pair of her old jeans and a t shirt before she headed out to the park to meet the Latina and her dancer wife with their two kids, she approached the park that she and Quinn would occasionally take late night walks in the summer; she was absolutely gobsmacked at the state of the park. It looked exactly the same as it did ten years ago, the trees and the pond and of course the open field that made the park, the old graffiti that was on the benches was still there and also the duck pond _(which was probably the reason Santana and Brittney picked this park, coz the blonde dancer still loved her duck) _and so was the big old oak tree that Quinn had carved a Q and R in to with a heart around it was still there, she was staring at the sight when she felt a small tug at her legs she looked down and saw Lola.

"Hi Aunt Rachel" the little girl said.

"Hi Lola where's your mama and mom and little Tom?" she asked as the little girl pointed in the direction of her family.

The five of them had a picnic where Tom and Lola were the centre of attention, once everyone had eaten the kids began to run around the field chasing each other whilst the three adults were packing up the dished and empty containers, soon the three of them were just laying on the blanket staring at the sky and the cloud formations.

"Mommy can we feed the ducks?" asked Tom approaching the three of them, Britney shot up at the words duck and then turned to look at he Latina, who looked back apologetically and nodded no.

"Why not? Look those kids are allowed to." He said pointing to a tall blonde man handing out bread to two little twin boys who were throwing the bread in to the water and next to them was a older little blonde girl who was also feeding the duck.

"Because baby I forgot to bring the spare bread and there's none left over but we can come back tomorrow and feed them." Santana said hoping the boy would be happy with the compromise but he looked disappointed and so did her two girls.

Brittney got up and walked over to the strange blonde man and asked him a question to which he answered yes with a nod of his head and she then turned around and waved over the other four people that were watching her. They all ran to blonde.

"This nice man said we can use some of his bread." She said and he handed over the other pack of bread he was holding to the blonde with a smile. Soon the strange man and his kids had finished feeding the ducks and walked of leaving the five of them alone again.

Soon the loaf of bread the man had given had ran out and they were all back on the blanket when they heard laughter coming a little further down the field, the source from behind the laughter was coming from the same strange man that had given them some bread, he was playing soccer with his kids. Santana and Brittney both could tell that their children wanted to go and join in with the blonde family so both women got up and moved towards the family of blondes, a few steps behind was Rachel and the kids.

"Hey sorry to bother you again but we were wondering if we could play too?" asked Santana this time.

The man looked towards his kids who seem to nod indicating yes."Sure" he said with a big warm smile.

"Girls vs. Boys." One of the twin boys yelled out in excitement.

"Yeah and there's more girls so you can't say no this time." The other blonde boy said to the older blonde girl who nodded and the teams were set. Rachel, Santana, Brittney, Lola and the blonde that hey had learnt was called Amy were on one team whilst Tom, the older male was called Jake and the two younger twin blondes were called Max and Jack were on one team.

For the first time in ten years she was truly happy and her mind hadn't drifted of thinking about her Quinn even though the little blonde girl that she was playing with was the splitting image of Quinn with he piercing hazel eyes and blonde hair and even her bone structure was exactly like Quinn.

She was completely enjoying herself and letting lose running around chasing after the soccer ball not caring about what anyone thought of her at the moment. The fact that the Quinn look-a-like seemed to have warmed up to her after she scored the first goal was just an added bonus.

The score was 3/3 when both teams collapsed on the grass after a crazy game, Jake took out several juice cartons and handed them out to everyone, half way through drinking the juice his phone rang and her answered it walking away from everyone, he soon returned.

"Hey kids come we got to go, that was mommy on the phone she wants us back or else no ice cream for dessert." He said smiling at his children, Lola and Tom both looked sad at the family of blondes leaving them. The four blondes were walking out of the park when the two twin boys came running back with the soccer ball the others thought they must have left something behind.

"Here you can have it; we've got loads at home." Max said while Jack nodded to the statement, the two brunette children took the soccer ball from them and started to kick it back and forth and the boys ran back to their father and then disappeared out of the park and into a black Lexus.

The five of them left the park a little while after the blonde family, she separated herself form the family she had spent her after noon with in the park and was walking home with her thoughts about that little blonde girl and how she resembled the her Quinn, she thought that if Quinn was to ever have a daughter then she would look precisely like Amy and her behaviour and her language was a lot like Quinn's but there was no way that little girl was Quinn for one Quinn didn't live in lima and she was one thousand percent sure of that and she was also sure that Quinn would never marry anyone but her.

The night came and Rachel found herself dressed in a casual baby pink dress with silver heals and her hair was curled just like Quinn had liked it, she was ready for Santana and Brittney to pick her up and so they could all go together to the high school that held good and bad memories for the diva.

The car honked and she left the comfort of her childhood home and entered the Latinas car as the three of them silently drove to the reunion. The all entered arm in arm with her in the middle. She met up with her fellow gleeks and a few teachers and of course a few of the foot ball players and cheerio's that tormented her, each person that she had encounter with congratulated her on achieving her dreams and how proud they were that they knew her when she was just a nobody with big dreams and a very horrible fashion sense and most students apologised for their treatment of the diva.

Rachel had met everyone that had wanted to see her again and have their say to the Broadway sensation; she smiled and accepted each apology stating that she had forgiven said person for their behaviour towards her in high school. Soon she was just surrounded with her glee club friends, they were all there but two one was the obvious Quinn and the other was Finn Hudson, which she was kind of glad because she couldn't deal with his bull shit right now, she heard the boy still held a grunge against the diva and the ex blonde cheerleading captain for what had happened in high school.

Soon she was at the corner of the poorly decorated gym with Santana and Brittney who hadn't left her side the whole night like true bets friends. Soon she sighed and looked away at the dance floor where all the couples were all slow dancing to some song that she couldn't be bother to recognise.

"do you think she will come?" she asked as Brittney and Santana both nodded no, they had expected the diva to ask that sooner but were kind of saddened at the thought that her mind was still on the blonde.

And then the doors to the gym opened to reveal the blonde that she had been craving to see for the past nine and a half years but that sight that was in front of her only further broke the remaining parts of her heart that were left over with hope and all that left her mouth was "Quinn"

"Oh my god" Santana said in shock.

"Holy shit" Brittney said after the Latina.

**I hope this has answered a few of your questions and if you would like me to continue please let me know.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three, this chapter is kind of short but a lot does happen in it, a lot of you want to know what Rachel had done to Quinn that made Quinn leave and never get back in contact with anyone and you will find out soon but I just want to try my hand at suspense and see if I can pull it off. Thank you for your reviews and alerts because they truly did double up over night and that made me smile so I am going to continue with this fic even if no one reads it. Next chapter will be up Tuesday or Wednesday. Read, review and enjoy as always. **

There in the doorway of the poorly lit and decorated gym stood Quinn Fabray the girl Rachel had lost so many years ago but there was something wrong with the picture in front of her, Quinn stood there looking like the eternal beauty that she is and has always been but besides her was guy that was standing to close and holding her the way that Rachel should be.

Quinn looked like a scared little school girl and as the guy besides her looked down at her and saw her he bent down and whispered something in her ear and placed a kiss on her forehead witch seemed to relaxed the blonde and also got the girl to smile to and Rachel wanted to hurl at the sight but she plastered that big fake smile that she had become so accustomed to and started to walk to the newly arrived couple when she saw the man's face properly she stopped abruptly.

He was the same man from the park with those three kids which meant that Quinn was their mother and that the blonde had moved on and forgotten about the diva whilst Rachel only thought about her. She took a deep breathe and walked up to the couple and her eyes grew even larger at the blonde's stomach.

"Hi there we meet again this is my wife Quinn." Jake said smiling taking his hand out to shake the divas.

"Hi yes do and hey Quinn you look great." Rachel said back and took the hand and shook it but her eyes were trained on the blonde's stomach.

"Hi Rachel" the blonde said back which caused Rachel to look Quinn in the eyes, but then Quinn broke the eye contact and looked at her husband silently telling him something and the man seemed to understand and took a hold of Quinn's hand and leaning her further into the gym away from Rachel.

Soon Quinn had met everyone from her old classes and was just standing at the far end of the gym as her husband was getting them something to drink, Rachel saw this as an opportunity because the man never left Quinn's side once tonight and it was now or never so she briskly walked up to the blonde.

"You look great and congratulations on getting married and." Rachel said as her eyes trailed down to Quinn stomach that was larger than usual because the blonde was pregnant.

"Thank you and congratulations to you too on getting everything you dreamed of." Quinn said looking down at her stomach avoiding the divas eyes.

"IT's not worth what I lost." Rachel said back wanting to hold the blondes hand and when she saw the wedding ring on her finger Rachel instantly picked up the girls.

"It's beautiful just like the person wearing it." Rachel said but Quinn pulled her hand back.

"Rachel please don't." Quinn said as she placed both her hands on her baby.

"Don't what Quinn, compliment you." The diva said slightly aggravated that the blonde wasn't even allowing her to praise the girl's beauty.

"I can't do this here." Quinn said and walked up to her husband gripping his hand tightly and she whispered something in his ear and the two were about to leave when Kurt called them.

"Hey guys were having a glee reunion barbecue at Rachel's house tomorrow and would love it of you guys came" Kurt said hoping that the two would show.

"I'm sorry but we don't have a sitter for the kids." Jake said smiling at the group of people that had gathered around the couple.

"That's alright there will be other kids there, Sand B are bringing their kids and so are Mike and Tina and Artie and his wife are also bring their kids as well." He said back.

"But we have ..." Jake started to speak again.

"No buts mister we want the whole glee club there and that includes your wife." Kurt said cutting the man off and smiling.

"Okay we'll see you there then." Jake said back.

"Great Quinn you know where Rachel's dads live right and be there by one." He said and Quinn nodded before she turned around and started to walk out of the gym with jakes arms around her waist holding her closely to him which caused Rachel to huff and roll her eyes.

The blonde family of five were standing outside the berry house waiting for someone to open the door. Rachel was the one to open the door to Quinn and her family, she led them into the garden where apparently everyone had arrived and the barbecue was already set.

Rachel watched from a far as the two older blondes stayed hip to hip the whole time, she hated the Jake because that was suppose to be her by Quinn's side never leaving her and holding her like that but in reality she blew her chances and now she had to watch someone else hold the love of her life.

An hour had passed since Quinn and her family had arrive when they announced that they had to leave because they had a long drive back home and wanted to get there before it got to dark. Everyone walked them out wishing them goodbye and a good luck with the new baby.

Quinn was hugging everyone good bye and Jake had already walked up to the car was about to get into the driver seat when out of no where a car came speeding down the road knocking the man to the ground and then screeching down the road.

Quinn ran up to her husband holding the bloody man in her arms whilst Mercedes and Kurt pulled the twins into them before they could see their father like that and led them back into the house whilst Tina and Mike grabbed a hold of a terrified Amy and took her back into the Berry home.

JAKE, YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME AND THE KIDS." Quinn screamed as she did mouth to mouth to her husband and a couple of seconds later a ambulance was at the road side picking the man up and taking him to the hospital with Quinn right besides him begging him not to leave her.

In car right behind the ambulance was Rachel, Santana and Brittney, wanting to be there for the blonde, Rachel had instructed everyone else to stay at her home looking after Quinn's children because the last thing Quinn needed to do was worry about who was with her kids.

The three women that had followed the ambulance arrived at the hospital to find Quinn on the floor sobbing. Brittney instantly fell to the ground next to her fellow blonde and held her tightly whilst Santana sat on the floor to and began rubbing the girl's shoulders telling her reassuring words. Rachel went up to the nurses station to ask about Quinn's husbands state only to find out that he was announced dead before they even reached the hospital.

A police man walked in and asked to speak to the blonde to tell her they had found the car and driver that had killed her husband and when she heard the of said driver she lost the plot and began throwing things and swearing profanities at him. Finn Hudson was the killer of her husband and the father of her children.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter four, sorry it's late but ff was just being a pain and wouldn't let me upload so sorry about that and I hope you are all like this story as much as you liked vow of silence and as for what Rachel did to Quinn you are going to have to wait and see because it will be revealed after jakes funeral. As always read, review and enjoy.**

The past twenty minutes the policemen listened to the blonde girl's rants when they finally decided to call in the three girls that were with the blonde when they had arrived, Rachel walked in first with the Hispanic woman and her blonde wife right behind her, to say that they were shocked at the sight was an understatement because there was Quinn Fabray in her former HBIC glory cursing and threatening to kill some one. Rachel walked up to the woman.

"Quinn sweetie everything's going to be alright." Rachel said as she tried to calm the blonde by rubbing her arms but Quinn just shrugged the divas hands of.

"What's going to be alright Rachel, my husbands lying on a cold slab in a mortuary and there is nothing I can do about it. What am I going to tell my kids when they ask where their dad has gone?" she spat out and no one had an answer for Quinn because there wasn't one.

"How am I supposed to tell them that Finn fucking Hudson killed their father out of petty revenge for something that happened so many years ago?" She continued saying and all the others women could do was stare at Quinn unbelievably.

"Finn was the driver?" Rachel asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah he killed my husband and the father to my children." She spat out and Quinn started to feel dizzy and the room began to spin before everything went dark as she fell to the ground.

"Help somebody please help my friends just fainted and she's heavily pregnant Santana screamed out of the door for help and in ran a doctor and a nurse following right behind him.

"What happened?" asked the doctor lifting the blonde up and placing her on the bed that had just been rolled in by another nurse.

"She was screaming about her husband's death and what she was going to do before she fell to the ground. I... Is she going to be alright?" Rachel asked fear laced in her voice and a second nurse asked everyone to leave the room and wait in the waiting area.

Whilst they were in waiting area Rachel called her fathers to give them the news of jakes passing and Quinn's current state, once she got of the phone the doctor and the nurses came out of Quinn's.

"How is Quinn?" asked Rachel running up to the older man and demanding an answer from him with out having to resort to threats.

"She's fine now but I recommend complete bed rest and as little stress as possible as it was the cause to Mrs. Adam fainting, we are going to keep her in for a couple of hours just to keep an eye on her." The older man said before walking off.

Rachel sat right besides Quinn not wanting to leave the blonde alone for second just in case she woke up and started to freak out. To Rachel this was god's way of giving her a chance to make up for her mistakes and also getting the love of her life back and there was no way in hell that she was going to blow it, this time she was going to be there for Quinn like she was in high school and regain Quinn's trust and also reignite their romance but that was going to have to take time and she was willing to give Quinn all the time the woman needed, she was going to shower Quinn and her kids with so much love and attention that they would not be able to handle it all.

Once Quinn was awake the doctor checked her over and then gave her some calming medication and told her she could go home but that she was told to take it easy and get as much rest as possible and the less stressed she was the better it as for her baby's health as well as her own.

Rachel sat in the back of the car with Santana driving just like it was in high school but this time it was different because everyone else in the car had hurt her in so many ways that it was unbelievable and she was so close to finally forgetting about the pain each and everyone of them had caused her in the past during their first year of collage, but then she returned to a place that always sucked the happiness out of her life.

A place she had promised herself she would never return the second she was out of it but much to her protests her husband had insisted that it as her high school reunion, a place and time in her life that had turned her into the person she was today and that she should go back and at least see it and remember the good and the bad memories to remind of how she got to be the person she is today so that was hoe she ended up back in lima for the reunion.

Rachel remembered this position from the first time her and Quinn had gotten into a car together but the only difference is that every time she tries to even touch Quinn the blonde pushes her away and sure it hurts but she deserved it and knew she deserved Quinn's refusal in letting her anywhere near her.

Once they got back to the Berry, Rachel rushed out of the car from her side and quickly opened the door to Quinn's side and then stayed besides the girl, they entered the building to find it filled with people that had all gathered at the Berry's to give Quinn their condolences but the two people that Quinn recognized instantly were her parents Russell and Judy Fabray who had seen and heard the news through the news on the TV, they were both sat on the couch in the living room with one of her sleeping twins on each of their laps.

Once everyone saw the blonde they all rushed to her to make sure that she was okay and that she needed anything all she had to do was ask. Quinn just stood in the door way with her clothes, hands and face covered in her husband's blood; she silently watched the room filled with people fuss over her but never really played attention to any of them.

She walked over to her mother and father who both stood up with her sons in their arms, she took a hold of her max first because there was no way she was going to let Russell Fabray any where near her children knowing full well of what the man was capable of and placed him on the couch before taking jack of Judy and also placing him on the couch also before she slapped her mother and father right across their faces.

"You have no right touching my children." She said unemotionally.

"Quinne we ..." Judy started to speak with one hand across her face where her daughter had just slapped her.

"NO you were not trying to help you just wanted to worm your way back onto my life again and control it and my kids but I am not going to let that happen so whatever you were planning on doing you can forget it, my kids were and are being raised in a happy and loving home and their is no way I am letting you take that away from them, so you can just take you r sorry asses right back out of my life and leave me and my family alone." Quinn said picking up each of her sons in each of her hands and nodding to wards her daughter before leaving the house that was her home.

She began to walk to her hotel hoping that they hadn't booked the room that the family of now four had stayed in during their stay in Lima. Rachel was right besides Quinn within a matter of seconds.

"Quinn please come back inside, you don't have to leave, I'm begging you come inside you just got released from the hospital for fainting you cant be alone right now you need people who love and care for you around to help you and that's what everyone inside wants to do for you." Rachel pleaded with her once lover.

"Love me, yeah right Rachel, not one person in that house cares about me or my kids so why should I return into a place with people that only want to show me pity no one even knew Jake so why would they want to be their for me." Quinn said as Rachel took one of Quinn's sons from her, Rachel could tell that carrying both boys was hurting the woman.

The three of them walked in silence to the hotel, once they got inside the building the receptionist informed Quinn that her room as well as every other room in the small hotel had been booked so the girls left the building and Quinn sat down on the cold pavement with no where to go or stay the night she placed her son down on the ground with his head on her lap and stared at the sky hoping for a solution to her problem.

"Quinn please come back to my home you can't stay out here all night, think of your kids would Jake want you all to sleep on the streets like this." She said hoping that if she used the blonde mans name Quinn would cave and come back with Rachel to her home.

"Don't you dare say his name Rachel; you didn't know him to use his name like that." Quinn said harshly.

"I'm sorry but I met him in the park yesterday and he seemed like a really great guy and an even better father." Rachel said avoiding saying husband because for Rachel no one was good enough for Quinn except herself.

"He told me he met you yesterday at the park, he said that you ..." Quinn trailed of shaking her head she was losing her head thinking about Rachel when she didn't have a place to stay or that the father of her children had just passed away.

"Quinn, please just please come back home for tonight and tomorrow you can look for some where else to stay if you don't want to stay with me. Just please come back home Quinn if not for yourself but for your children and the little baby that is growing inside of you now." Rachel said knowing very well that using Quinn's unborn child as an excuse was low but she had no there choices because she was scared that the blonde would plain out refuse her offer again.

"Quinn just nodded her head and Rachel picked up on of Quinn sons and both girls began walking back towards the Berry home once they got back they found everyone still there even Russell and Judy to their surprise, Rachel's dads each took the boys of the two women and took the still sleeping kids and the little girl that still had to utter a word upstairs to the guest bedroom, they placed each boy on the bed placing the covers over ham and letting the little boys sleep.

Rachel led Quinn upstairs to her bedroom that she once shared with Quinn, they both walked in and Quinn just looked around the old room that was filled with the most happiest time of her life, she walked up to the bed and pulled the cover and just as she was about to get in Rachel grabbed her wrist.

"You have to shower and change your clothes first Quinn I mean you are still covered in blood and it's not exactly hygienic for you so here." Rachel said handing the blonde the shorts and t shirt she had been wearing for the past two nights and then she led Quinn t the bathroom and left the girl there to get cleaned up.

It had been half an hour and Quinn still hadn't come out of the bathroom and Rachel became worried and walked in to find Quinn sitting on the floor with her back against the bath tub in her bra and panties holding on to her blood covered clothing crying. She instantly dropped to the floor besides Quinn and pulled the almost naked woman into her holding her closely and whispering words of love and comfort into Quinn's ear until Quinn's sobs turned to slight whimpers.

"Lets get you cleaned up." Rachel said as she picked up a pack of wipes and began wiping Quinn's motionless body clean and once all the traces of the blood had gone from Quinn's body Rachel pulled the girl up helping her into her night ware before leading her back into the bedroom and into the bed, as she got in to the bed as well Quinn turned around and looked at her.

"What" Rachel asked the blonde.

"You can't sleep with me Rachel, I only share a bed with my husband no one else. Quinn said and Rachel felt her heart shatter into a million pieces again but none the less she got of the bed and lay down on the small couch that was in her room, once she was sure Quinn had fallen asleep her own tears began to fall with out showing any signs of stopping any time soon, she cried because even though she as so close to Quinn she was stills so far and she also began to doubt that she had a place in Quinn's heart any more.

**Next chapter the return of a nine important people and a little teaser at what happened in high school before everything else kicked of in collage. The next update should hopefully be up on Sunday or Monday and that will be lead up to jakes funeral which will be two parts and then what Rachel did so altogether there will be four or five chapters before all is revealed.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5, just as promised on Sunday night I hope you like it, don't own anything but the mistakes. As always read, review and enjoy.**

Rachel cried herself to whimpering her love and sorrow for what she had done to the blonde, she was sobbing loudly crying for the mistakes she had made that had led her to be in this potion, how she was so close to Quinn yet so far from her soul mate she couldn't even share a bed with Quinn because Quinn didn't even want her any where near her.

Once Quinn as sure that Rachel had fallen asleep she opened her eyes and lay on her back looking at the ceiling wondering how her life always seems to go from happy to devastating in matter of minutes, she thought about how she was going to break the news to her kids, how was she suppose to tell them that their father had left them?

She got out of the bed and walked over to the guest bedroom of the Berry home and opened the door to reveal all three of her kids sound a sleep, Amy looked like she had cried herself to sleep and Quinn knew instantly that her baby girl knew her father was no longer with them, but max and jack were asleep just like normal she sat down on the edge of the bed stroking her daughters hair back and looking at her baby girl and wondering how the younger version of herself was going to cope with the loss of her father.

Soon her mind drifted of to her little boys and how was she going to break it to them, she hoped that the boys would understand, she was running her fingers through their hair when Amy began to stir awake, the young look a like of herself stared at her mother pleading with her eyes to tell her what had happened yesterday was all just a bad dream and that her father was still alive and kicking but the unshed tears in Quinn's eyes told her that everything did happen and that this was a nightmare that was happening in reality and not just in their dreams. The little girl collapsed into her mother and began sobbing unconditionally, while Quinn held her baby girl tightly in her arms and letting her cry out all her emotions because the last thing the pregnant woman needed was for Amy to close up and bottle up her emotions inside just like she had done when she was younger.

"M... Mom d-d-dd-daddy what a...are we going to d...D...do?" she stuttered once she got a hold on her sobs as they became light whimpers but the tears never did stop progressing down her cheeks.

"I don't know baby, but we'll figure it out the five of us." Quinn answered her daughter truthfully.

"Five" she questioned her mother.

"Yes baby five, you, me, the twins and your little baby sister." Quinn said pointing with one hand at each member and then holding her stomach at the end while the other hand counted each person Quinn had said.

"I miss him." The little blonde that resembled her mother said staring at her mother said.

"I know baby so do I." Quinn said taking her daughter back into a large hug.

"Miss who?" asked max and jack who seemed too woken up together. Both Quinn and Amy looked at each other and then Quinn sighed and ran her hand though her hair.

"Mommy why is Amy crying?" max noticed and asked in concern for his sister.

"Boys come here I need to tell you something important."Quinn said to her two twin sons, who obeyed their mother and sat right in front of her with their legs crossed and their arms folded and they were giving Quinn all of their attention.

"Baby what I am about to tell you is very sad and I am really sorry." She said and the two boys nodded and Amy moved closer to her mother.

"Yesterday your daddy was taken away from us and he won't be coming back." She said as the tears started to form in her eyes again.

"But why?" The boys asked together, their voices filled with sadness and their eyes threatening to spill out the tears.

"Because god called him up to heaven and when you go to heaven you can't come back. But daddy will always be watching and listening to us but we won't be able to see or hear him." She said as the tears rolled down the eyes of her two sons that had never cried before because neither Quinn nor Jake had let them, but knows there was nothing she could do to stop them.

"Why did he take daddy away from us he knows that we need him?" jack said moving closer to his mother so she could hold the boy.

"Because he got lonely and heaven needed good people and daddy was the best person ever right." Quinn said and max also jumped into his mother to hold her tightly she felt each of her kids nod at the question.

"Hey look at me all three of you." She said and each of her kids looked at her still shedding their tears uncontrollably.

"I want each of you to remember what I am about to tell you okay." She said and received three very weak nods of their heads.

"Daddy will always be with us as long as we keep him in here and here." She said pointing at her heart and mind.

"As long as we keep loving daddy and remembering him he will always be with us and even though we can't see him he will always see us and protect us." She said sternly making her children believe the statement.

The kids went back into their mothers embrace holding on to her in fear that they may lose her too, she held them close to her heart they were the reason she had to be strong, she had to keep herself brave so she could keep her small family together and try to get them all to smile again because Jake would never want his family to fall apart over him he would do anything and everything to keep the smiles on each of his family members face.

There was load sobbing coming from inside the guest bedroom as Rachel, Santana, Brittney, Russell, Judy and both of Rachel's fathers had all just heard Quinn tell her children the devastating news of the passing of their father.

Soon the sobs had ended and the room was so quite that you could hear a pin drop, the group of people that had gathered around the door to hear Quinn breaking the news all went down stairs to where their was a large group of people there to show their support for Quinn and her kids. Rachel, Santana and Brittney walked up to their fellow gleeks.

"She just told her kids about his death." Rachel said no particular tone and the others just nodded. The Berry living room was filled with people wanting to show Quinn their support and grievances, even thought the room was filled with people there was not one sound made in the room which was then suddenly interrupted with the sound of the front door being pounded on and Rachel was the one to open it.

"Where is she?" questioned the woman on the other side of the door.

"Upstairs second door on your right." Rachel answered and followed the woman up the stairs and so did everyone else. When the woman opened the to reveal Quinn asleep in the middle of the bed with each of her twins on her sides clinging on to her like she was their heart beat and Amy was on the end if the bed holding her brother like he was her life line, each person on that bed had puffy swollen eyes and dried tear stains from their eyes right down to their chins.

She stared at the sleeping woman and her kids and felt her heartache even more knowing that there was nothing she could or would be able to do for Quinn and her kids to help ease their pain. She just stood there at the edge of the bed and stared at her younger sister knowing fully that woman sleeping had enough pain and sorrow in her life already and there was probably going to be more pain to come in her baby sister's life.

She sat at the edge of the bed and watched her niece's face become a fearful and scared one from a normal face she though about what would she do if her husband would have been taken away from her and her two daughters like that.

Amy began to sweat and pant in her sleep before she jolted up and sit up with the palms of her hands planted firmly on the bed besides her as she tried to control her breathing and heart rate. Once she had gotten a hold on her breathing and heart rate she saw the strange blonde woman sitting at the side of her.

The young blonde and the older blonde stared at each other never saying a word, Justine was trying to find a way to tell the girl who she was without scaring her and Amy was just looking at the woman that looked at like an older version of her mother.

Quinn and the boys woke up a few minutes after Amy and the three of them saw the two blondes having a stare contest between each other until Justine looked away and saw that Quinn was awake and turned her full attention to her sister and she had on her best bitch face on.

"If you weren't pregnant I would so kick your ass you know. I have been worried about you for the past nine and half years, the thoughts that were going through my mind, I thought that you were dead. And how do I find out about yesterday your friend Addison called me and told me she saw it on the news." Justine said before leaning forward to give her little sister a hug.

Quinn hugged back out of everyone from her past Justine was the only person that kept her promise of always being there for her, and when Rachel had kicked Quinn out of her life Justine had called every hour on the hour to see how she was doing but Quinn never did answer her calls, texts or emails, Justine had tried to get in contact with Quinn in every way possible but Quinn needed to forget out her past and that unfortunately included her older sister so she changed her phone number but that didn't stop Justine as the woman sent an email everyday to her begging to get back into contact and let her know that she was okay but Quinn never did but Quinn not replying still didn't stop Justine as the older blonde would still send emails every day to her telling her about her day and her life Quinn knew everything about Justine but Justine knew nothing about Quinn.

"I'm sorry Justine." Quinn said in the hug crying on her older siblings shoulder.

"Hey it's all in the past now all that matters is that your safe." Justine replies as she holds Quinn's chin up with her index finger and thumb whilst wiping away her tears with her other hand.

"So are you going to introduce me to my niece and nephews or am I going to have to do that my self?" she asks smiling at the children that were gaping at her. Quinn nods her head and then clears her throat.

"Kids come here, this is my sister Justine your aunt, Justine this is Amy." Quinn said running her hand through her daughters hair, Amy gives a small timid wave and shy "HI".

"And these two little are..." Quinn said putting her hands on the boys.

"I'm max." The boy said excitedly and waved at his new aunt.

"And I am Jack." Jack said with just as much enthusiasm as Max and waved just as eagerly.

"And what about this little one in here." Justine said placing her hand on Quinn's stomach.

"It's a she." Quinn answered.

"Wow Quinn your really are equalling them out aren't you." She joked trying to get her sister to smile, Quinn smiled and let out a small laugh and pushed her sister. Justine introduced her husband and her two sons (the oldest was 7 one year older than Amy and her youngest was 5 one year older than Quinn's twins.) The two sisters spent the afternoon together talking about their lives.

It was two in the afternoon when there was a knock on the door and then the bedroom door opened to and on the other end was the three people that had made such a huge impact on her life whilst she had no one.

Rachel was right behind the five guests, they walked in and Quinn fell into their arms, even though she hadn't spoken to any of them since high school, she had a special connection with Carly , Max and Addison. Quinn soon learned that the couple had finally got the children that they craved so much for, two twins that were 9 years old.

The couple were so touched to learn that they had made such a huge impact in Quinn's life that the blonde had already named on her sons after Max and the child that she was currently pregnant with was named Carly. They all smiled at the antics of Quinn's twins as they showed them tricks and at how highly all three kids spoke of their father.

It was ten at night and everyone had left Quinn alone again, as Quinn lay in the bed with her kids surrounding her in the Berry's guest bedroom room she thought about how she was going to cope without her husband by her side and how was her baby girl that hadn't even been born going to take the news of never being able to veer have her father hold her tell her he loves, this was the second funeral Quinn was going to go to and it was the second time in her life where she felt like god was punishing her something that she had done or was about to do.

**Next chapter build up to jakes funeral and how everyone is coping and Quinn moving back home to bury her husband and half of the funeral. Hopefully next chapter will be up on Friday. **


	6. Chapter 6

Hi guys and girls sorry but I am losing inspiration for this fic I know what I where I want to get this fic to but I don't know how to get there so if you have any ideas please let me know. If not I have another idea for a sequel to vow of silence that I could use and delete this one please let me know what I should do because I have been wrecking my brains out for the next chapter of this fic but nothing is coming to mind, I have been staring at my computer screen for the past two hours and written three words exactly so please let me know what I should do.


	7. Chapter 7

Okay so I have decided not to continue with this fic because no matter what I write it just doesn't seem to feel right so I am going to abandon it sorry for those of you that liked it but hopefully I am planning to write another fic after I write the final chapter to secret affair. i may just write another sequel to vow of silence where the girls are together but go through other difficulties but together let me kn

It's going to an AU story about Rachel and Quinn of course, plot goes something like this Rachel is the HBIC of McKinley high (Which is a boarding school) she is captain of the glee club and cheerio's, Quinn is the kind, sweet new girl that gets roomed with Rachel who is not happy about her roommate so Santana makes Rachel a bet that she could get Quinn to fall in love with her and then break her heart and get her to leave the school for good, but along the way Rachel falls for Quinn.

let me know if you guys would like me to write that or not your choice, and also I am really sorry about this fic, I will keep an open mind about it just in case something pops up in my crazy head and helps to get the fic moving. Let me know if you guys think about anything thanks and sorry.

i may just write another sequel to vow of silence where the girls are together but go through other difficulties but together let me know what i should do so that i can keep you guys happy.


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay here's what happened between Rachel and Quinn for those of you that asked for it, I am really sorry for how late this is but I was going through so much pain of my own and writing just wasn't one of my priorities but I am back and for those of you that didn't know I have already posted an other version of the sequel to vow of silence it is called second chances and the girls are tighter hope you enjoy it. Read and review and let me know what you think of this chapter. Enjoy.**

Flash back

It was Rachel's second year at Julliard and she yet to be cast in one show, she would always get rejected for any role and that led to her take her anger out on her girlfriend, she would yell and shout at Quinn continuously until she felt contempt, just like today she had just been rejected and as she got home to find Quinn in the kitchen making dinner for the two.

"Hey baby, how was your day." Quinn said as she walked up to the diva to give her afternoon kiss.

"Absolutely shit." Rachel said as she just turned away from Quinn refusing to kiss her like she did most days, it hurt Quinn in so many ways but the blonde never showed it and moments like this she wished the Rachel that she had fallen in love with in high school would show up and smile away her troubles and not start what she was about to.

"What's for dinner?" Rachel asked.

"Vegetable stir fry." Quinn answered and instantly knew that it was wrong answer because she saw Rachel evolving into angry.

"What the hell Quinn we had stir fry last week, why can't we just have something nice for once." Rachel said angrily.

"Rachel we haven't had stir fry in over a month." Quinn said timidly knowing that she was awaking her sleeping wrath.

"Are you calling me a liar?" Rachel half yelled.

"No but... we didn't have it though." Quinn said timidly looking down.

"You are either calling me a liar because there is no way that both things you just said are true." Rachel yelled at the blonde who was still looking at the floor.

"I didn't mean it like that." Quinn answered again hoping that the diva would calm down and not to anger her any more.

"How did you mean it then?" she questioned stalking up to the blonde and looking up at her daring her to speak again. Quinn didn't say a word and Rachel just screamed in frustration and just stormed out of the room and walked straight upstairs to get dressed when she got down Quinn was waiting at the bottom of the stairs waiting for her.

At days like these (which were becoming more or less every day even though the blonde would never admit) Rachel would just go out and drink twice her body weight in alcohol and come home and wake Quinn and pretty much force her to have sex before puking the contents of her stomach out and then collapsing in be, whilst Quinn changed Rachel's clothes and cleaned the bathroom before getting into bed herself.

The morning Quinn would be the first to wake up she would shower and get ready for her classes before waking the diva and then going down to cook some breakfast for the two of them and once breakfast was consumed and Quinn had cleared the dishes she would head out to her classes for the day and come home a bout an hour before Rachel and start on dinner having it ready and on the table just as Rachel got home.

At times the blonde would wonder of what had her life become because it seemed to revolve around the diva and her diva tantrums at times she would think of leaving the diva as times Rachel's words would become so vicious that when Quinn was on her own she would spend the whole time crying, but she could never leave Rachel because her baby girl died so that Quinn could have Rachel's love so if she was to ever leave the diva her daughter would have died in vain and that was something that Quinn couldn't live with because at this moment in time Quinn only had Rachel and her sister and Santana and Brittney and Rachel's fathers and if she walked out on Rachel she would also be walking away from the two men that were the father figure that Quinn had craved for her whole life so she stuck around for them.

Quinn still had her sister in her life as her elder sibling called almost every day if not every other day but Quinn once again lost her mother thanks to Russell as the man showed up at the Fabray home on the second day of summer of her senior year, he claimed he had changed and was willing to prove it at first he seemed too have changed but towards the end of summer he once again had Judy under his thumb and had demanded that Quinn change her sinful ways and choice to live in his house with him and Judy or keep Rachel as her girlfriend and get disowned once again, there was no choice for Quinn Rachel was her everything so the blonde once again packed her things and left the Fabray mansion to go live with Rachel and her fathers, Justine had also walked out of the Fabray home in her support of her little sister but Judy just stayed silent and watched as his husband drove away both her children.

It was Valentines Day and for Quinn it was the most amazing day ever as Rachel was beyond amazing as she took Quinn out all day spending each and ever moment with her, she treated her like a queen and showing her with so much love and adorned her with small gifts such as the personalized coffee mug.

Two weeks after the most amazing Valentines Day, things had gotten better between the two of them Rachel's angry side had become non existent, Quinn was once again happy and so was Rachel as she had gotten her big break and was cast as the lead in an off Broadway show, Quinn showered Rachel with so much love, so that evening when Quinn returned early from class knowing that Rachel would be home and the two could spend some time together but as she opened the door to her and Rachel's home she heard load moaning coming from upstairs that belonged to Rachel only to her another moan but that didn't sound like her divas so she walked upstairs and opened the door to reveal her girlfriend naked in their bed with her best friend also their with her fingers buried inside her girl friend.

Rachel had seen Quinn in the door way and jumped out of bed to run after her but stopped mid way down the stairs as she heard the front door slam shut, she fell on the stairs as her tears started to flow from her eyes, the person that was in her bed came down the stairs fully dressed and sat besides her and held the naked sobbing woman.

Two days and still no sign of where Quinn was, she hadn't been to any of her classes and no one had heard from her, Santana had gone home the night Quinn had caught her and Rachel sleeping together, she called Brittany who was on tour with a dance group, she told her how she had cheated on her because she was lonely and missed her and how sorry she was, and even though Brittney was pissed at the Latina she agreed to stay with her as long as Santana made it up to her by marrying and staying faithful.

Five days and still no sign of where Quinn had gone, Rachel was worried sick so that night as she was sitting in the kitchen when she heard the front door of her and Quinn's home so she ran up to the front door to find the woman she had been dying to see for the five days.

She instantly wrapped her in her arms but her request of a hug was refused ass Quinn just dodged her and moved away from Rachel, Quinn's eyes were beetroot red and swollen from the obvious crying she had been doing through and also the lack of sleep, Quinn looked like a soulless heartbroken zombie.

"We need to talk." Quinn said coldly and walked into the living room with Rachel behind her she took a seat in the single sofa and Rachel sat down on the sofa in front of Quinn.

""How long?" Quinn asked Rachel.

"The night before valentine's day." She answered honestly and saw the pain intensify on Quinn's face.

"That's why you changed your whole attitude towards me, because you felt guilty." Quinn said to Rachel but mostly to herself, that was all she needed to hear because it was bad enough to know that Rachel had cheated on once but the diva had been having a full out affair with her best friend.

"I'm sorry Quinn it was a mistake, I was just so pissed at everything, not getting casted and how I used to take my angry out on you but you always stuck besides me and I hated myself for hating you and how I was pushing you away from me even though I need you in my life." Rachel said in a plea to get Quinn back and they could work on their relationship.

"All I did was love you with all my heart and you hurt me, I left my mom and dads home for you for you and you cheat on me, you fixed me after Sam's death only to break me years later." It was a statement but it was one that seemed to hit Rachel and her once forgotten anger had once again returned.

"What the hell Quinn my dream was failing right in front of my eyes and I just wanted to be alone yet all you did was being that needy girl from high school, love me, hold me, and tell me you love me, and shower me with attention that would do anything to have me in her life, you just kept taking all my shit just so that I wouldn't leave you when you should have just walked away." Rachel said immediately regretting the word that had left her mouth.

"You what your right I should have walked away but I didn't so I will know." Quinn said getting up and walking straight out of the front door from another place that once felt like a home but was just a house, she felt like Sam's died in vain and how could she lose her mom for Rachel who clearly stopped loving her so she walked out never looking back because if she did it would hurt to much.

Rachel felt the sobs run through her body as she felt her heart shattering into a million pieces. Quinn was gone and this time there was no chance of her returning and Rachel felt like complete and utter shit so she drank as she cried herself to sleep just like she did ever night after that night, it was now a ritual for her, getting drunk and crying herself to sleep for the loss of the love of her life and how she had driven her away to never return but the worst part was that Quinn never contacted any one from lima or new York again sop there was no way in knowing how the blonde was and if she was happy or if she moved on, oh how she hoped that Quinn had spiralled into a depression and hurt herself like she did with Sam's death.


End file.
